we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
