Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
