my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
