I think i peed on brittanys purse
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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