In the future we'll all be gay
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
