Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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