i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
