Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
