Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize