WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
