I cockslap morals
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
