I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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