I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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