She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
