i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
