ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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