The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Your penis caused this!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
