i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
