I didn't shave. On purpose
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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