Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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