The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
