Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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