Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
