i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
