Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
