So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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