I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's rum buckets o'clock
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
