At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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