Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
