The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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