the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
