Acid is not a monday night drug
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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