why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
