my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I need to calm my uterus...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
