Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
