So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
