Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Randomize
