Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
