i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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