I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
