'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
