Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
