I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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