You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I supernannyed him into submission
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
