Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
