this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
COCAINE IS GR8
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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