Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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