All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
