she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He did a backflip because drugs
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
