did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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