I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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