just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
