Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
