well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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