Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
