I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
