At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
