All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
