I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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