i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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