my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
