the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
