Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
