I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Randomize
