I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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