First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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